9.04.2013

The Emergency Continued...

I don't, won't, can't remember all that happened in the operating room in order. It's just pretty much flashes and me praying my same prayer over and over, "please let MaKenzie be okay. Please let Makenzie be okay. Please let MaKenzie be okay." I used her name in the operating room because I needed to hear her name. She was a little person getting ready to come into this world and I wanted to be the first person to say her name, whether it was in my head, a whisper from my lips or a shout from deep within me, I wanted to be the first person to say her name.

They wheeled me down the hall and got me moved from my bed to the operating table/bed/whatever. I remember it looking like a room in a construction/renovation building. Everything was white and it was very bright. Doctors were still coming in and talking to me about things. I remember them continuously asking if Arik was there yet. They were prepping me the whole time...

The anesthesiologist came in to numb me up. It took three stabs to my spine to get whatever she was putting there, there! It hurt like a MOTHER, but I took it. What else could I do? I seriously had no clue how a c-section was suppose to go. I hadn't read anything. I've had friends that had c-sections, but I didn't really hold on to the details of what happened. They strapped me to the bed (seriously, strapped me to it). We were just waiting as long as possible for Arik.

Then, he was there. In his yellow scrubs or whatever. He sat right next to my head and held my hand. He kept telling me to relax and that everything was okay. But I wasn't listening to his words. I was looking into his beautiful blue eyes and I saw fear. Arik was just as scared as I was. My rock was afraid... So, I shut my eyes. I didn't want him to react to the probably near hysterical look in my eyes. I just lay there with my eyes closed, squeezing his hand and praying my prayer. Tears slipping from the corner of my eyes, pooling in my ears.

He was trying to lighten the mood by talking to the doctor and nurses about gladly sitting on my side of the sheet. He didn't want to see what was going on. There was some tugging and pulling. Nothing really serious, just a little discomfort. And just like that, she was there. And she cried so loudly! I didn't realize I was holding my breath until she took her first. Her cry was the best sound I'd ever heard in my life. Her lungs were great. She was alive.

I told Arik to go to her. Be with her; wherever she was going, he needed to be with her. They cleaned her up and brought her over to me to look at and marvel over. She was so tiny. Smaller than any baby doll I'd ever had in my life. I just smiled at her. She was alive. MaKenzie Grace born Monday, June 10th at 3:24am, weighing in at 4 pounds 5.8 ounces and 19 inches long.

Her birth weight. She was tiny, yet fierce!

I remember Arik leaving, I remember shaking uncontrollably-teeth chattering shaking. I remember being wheeled to my room, I remember nothing else until my second look at her later that day.

I am going to save that for another post. It's really hard to relive those moments and type them. I kinda need to though to really believe she's here and regardless of what's ever to come, she's perfect in every way.
So small. There was not an ounce of fat on her.
She hadn't gotten to that part really.

Really, really tiny.

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