My Version of Mystery Inc.

Here's this week's highlight....

Andrew walks into my classroom and states, "Someone stole my phone at football practice today, Mom."

I'm all, "What the [insert explicative here]!!!! How did your phone get stolen? Why wasn't it in your locker?" I mean, I'm just shooting questions left and right. He doesn't even have time to answer them. And after he answers a couple, I wished he'd hadn't answered any...

"Well, I put it in my gym locker. Someone got into it because the lock still had a part of my combination on the back of it. I couldn't get the sticker all the way off..."

I just look at him. Dumbfounded! "Andrew, if you left your combination on the back of your locker, then you deserved to get your phone stolen. You will NOT be getting a new one for a loooooong time!"

"I know..." he said.

I'm just sitting at my literacy table, thinking. The wheels were turning, y'all. I had the brilliant idea to send a text message that said, "You have a stolen phone. I know where you live. I want my phone back." When I got no response, I ended up calling my husband and telling him he needed to call the cell phone company and get this taken care of and he's all on top of it.

But, then I had another idea! The phone company was always tooting it's horn about the family lo-jack system. We'd never used it before, but if it was suppose to track my wayward kid, then I should be able to track the phone, with my wayward kid by my side.

So, I got online and signed up for the service. Within a couple minutes, I'd gotten a trace on the hot goods. I called Mr. B back to get him to hold off on reporting the phone stolen, but it was too late. As you know, once service is cut off, you can't track the phone anymore...

I was talking super fast to Mr. B and brought him up to speed on what I came up with. I told him to get service restored and that I'd be home in a few minutes because we had some ass to bust!

I packed up my classroom and as Drew and I headed out the door, I was on facebook, sharing my feelings with the world!

"You can just call me Foxy Bradner! Now, I said shut up and FREEZE, Muthasucka!!!!"

Drew and I loaded up and go get Aiden from school. Then, we stopped by the house to get Mr. B and make this a family affair. It was like an episode with Scooby and the Gang. We all piled into to Mystery Machine and start circling the neighborhood to solve the Mystery of the Phone Folly. I had my trusty iPad, my MacBook and my iPhone. I used that family low-jack service and was plotting my next move!

We got the "twenty" on the hot goods. It was narrowed down to 2 houses. Boy! My adrenaline was pumping like nobody's business. The boys were in the back, just hanging out. Mr. B was all about driving the getaway vehicle. I was running the show!

We were parked in front of the house I chose and before I got out of the Mystery Machine, Mr. B called Drew's phone. The idiot picked up!

Mr. B said, "We know you have the phone. Why don't you just come outside and give it to us. We are in the van outside your house.." All he got was silence, but I did notice an old biddy peeking out the front door.

I opened the door to get out and as I was walking across the street, the biddy started shaking her head and shut the door! I didn't let that stop me though.

I walked up to the front door and knock. Of course Biddy Sticky-Fingers didn't open the door. I just shouted through the door in my real calm, kindergarten voice, "How about you just be an adult. I have used my GPS to track my son's phone to your house. It is in your house. Just open the door and give it to me." You know the voice... It's the one where each word is enunciated and there is a 2 second pause between each word... You know, THAT voice.

Biddy Sticky-Fingers replied through the door and just mumbled some crap about not knowing what I was talking about and that she didn't know who I was. But it was all THROUGH THE DAMN DOOR! How freaking innocent are you, if you won't open the damn door!?

I continued with my dramatic monologue, "Don't worry about it. The next time I knock on this door, it will be with the cops. Just open the door and give me my phone."

"I don't know what you're talking about... I don't know you..."

Whatever. "I'll be back..." Yeah. I said it and it was AWESOME!

So, the get-along gang all headed over to the neighborhood police station. And I called the number listed on the door. I relayed the story to the operator and she said she'd send an officer over.

As we waited in the parking lot, Mr. B's phone rang. He handed me the phone so I could answer it because I was heading up this investigation (lol). I answered it.


"Yeah, can I speak to..." The person asked for my husband.

"He's unavailable right now. How may I help you?"

"Um... I was just trying to talk to him because I found Andrew's phone in the locker room at school and I took it from a guy who was trying to steal it. I tried bringing it over to your house, but you weren't home."

Sure you did, PUNK!

"I know you tried to bring it to our house. We have been tracking your whereabouts on my GPS. But, since no one wanted to open the door when I knocked, we are at the police station waiting for an officer."

"You don't have to do that! I'll give you my address." And the kid does. I let him know we'd be there in about 10 minutes.

Once the cop showed up, we relayed the story again and he offered to escort us over to the house.

At this point, I am SUPER excited about busting some ass and start singing, "BAD BOYS. BAD BOYS, WHATCHA GONE DO, WHATCHA GONE DO WHEN THEY COME FOR YOU?" It was quite the RUSH!

We got to the house and there was already an officer there. He was talking to a kid and what appeared to be his MOTHER!!!!!!

The mom said that they tried to come over to the house and return the phone. The officer asked me if I wanted to file a report.

"All I want is my phone back," I said. And he handed over the phone and I got back into the Mystery Machine and we drove home; mystery solved.

Can I just say that I felt like I was channeling the members of Mystery, Inc., the get along gang, McGruff the Crime Dog AND Foxy Brown all rolled into one! I don't know how I manage to get myself caught up in these situations, but WOW!

No comments:


Related Posts with Thumbnails