In My Feelings

What is with all these women having babies? Girls, none-the-less!? What are they trying to do to me? The world knows I want a little girl...an adorable Aubrielle or Addison or Ainsley. Yeah, I've been thinking.

I know of at least 10 women that have given birth or are going to give birth to a baby girl. I want one!

With that being said, I have been doing a lot of thinking about things. I have my philosophy on families and babies. You know how grand prize trips to anywhere are always for a family of 4? If they will only pay for 4 peeps, having 3 children wouldn't work very well. Wouldn't be able to maximize on the free-ness of the situation.

I've had other things to think about, too. How about the fact that we almost became a family of 5? Yeah, you read right. There wasn't an incident, per say, just the possibility of one. You know how it is, daily pills, missing a day or 5....oops!

I didn't even realize I truly wanted another baby until I was counting the days until mother nature came for a visit. I was straddling a line and I have now fully crossed the line into wanting a 3rd child.

It was the most relieving moment and the saddest moment when I realized I had started. I had a glass of wine to celebrate not being pregnant and then I had another glass to mourn the fact that I wasn't... Talk about not making any sense.

As I am thinking about wanting a 3rd little bit, I think about all the stuff that we are currently going through with Andrew. Then I think about Aiden and what could possibly be when he gets to Andrew's age. Finally, I think about if I am ready to play Russian Roulette again. Can I handle a 3rd child? What if things with Drew get more challenging...good grief! Can things with Andrew get more challenging? Am I a good enough mother to deal with what Andrew throws in my path, let alone another child's challenges? Do I wanna take that chance?

I have so many things rattling around in my head. Would Mr. Bradner really be okay with another baby? Would Andrew and Aiden be accepting of another sibling? What kind of changes will another baby create - obvious and hidden?

I have always said that if I were going to have another child, I would have to be pregnant before I turn 35. Even if when I am 34.99999 and I get pregnant, that would count. But, you do realize that is in 2 years and 2 months?

The whole basis of this post is that I would like to have another baby (strongly leaning towards a little girl...hint, hint, Lord lol). I would like for someone to just tell me that it's okay feeling what I am feeling, that I can handle 3 children and a job. I'm happy I've become decisive about the situation. I'm sad that current life situations might not allow it to happen. I'm anxious about getting Mr. Bradner to see my side of the story and jump on board with this plan.

I'm just a freakin mix of emotions and I am just going to take the rest of the school year to think things through.

1 comment:

Amanda T said...

Oh Kesha, of course it's okay to "feel the way you are feeling", and to want another baby! You are human, and even more powerful: a woman of emotion. You are also a great mother, wife and teacher, you have a stable income and more than enough love to share, and ultimately that's all a baby needs should you decide to have a third.

Babies are wonderful and such a gift, it's kindof hard not to want one. But, with that being said, it will be between you and Arik to decide whether your "want" is actually something you both want.

I hope giving yourself the rest of the year to think about this more & to share your desire with Arik for another baby will have you come to a decision that you are both comfortable with. Deciding whether or not to grow your family isn't always an easy decision, not to mention if you have the added factor of a ticking clock involved.

Again, there is nothing wrong with "wanting" another baby. Many women want a baby and decide for one reason or another that they want, but won't have a baby. I wish you all the best in your decision making!


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